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The Guide's Massive 2008 Summer Movie Preview

Contributing: Hannah Carroll, Adam Carroll, Jonathan Cribbs, Tim Donnelly, Jim Faber, Liz Farrell, Paul Mitchell, Justin Paprocki, Jeff Vrabel

There are franchises, and there are franchises, and though it's been a full 19 years-- Nine. Teen. Years! -- since "Last Crusade," the arrival of the fourth Indiana Jones film, "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," is cause for a really large picture. Here's a guide to the summer's offerings, featuring the usual familiar faces and comic-book heroes, as well as the return of Mike Myers, Pixar's robot flick, a whole lot of ABBA and the rebirth of "Star Wars" in cartoon form.

• "Iron Man" (Opens

today): Now that the stories of Batman, Spider-Man, Superman, The Incredible Hulk (twice), Supertramp, the X-Men, Capt. Obvious, Daredevil, the Fantastic Four, Painted Bunting Boy and Ghost Rider have all been rehashed for the masses, Iron Man is the latest comic book hero on which a great many studio execs are banking their financial futures. Ex-"Swinger" Jon Favreau directs the tale of a kidnapped industrialist (Robert Downey Jr.) who is forced to create WMDs for evil, but instead constructs a suit of armor for good. Crime fighting ensures. -- JP

• "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" (May 16): Pick up your Red Vines and Mr. Pibb for the sequel to the best movie involving a piece of cabinetry in the title since "Indian in the Cupboard." In this chapter, the Pevensie children who slipped into Narnia via wardrobe return and help Prince Caspian regain his rightful throne. Expect plenty of anthropomorphic animals and more vague Christian themes than a Creed album.-- JP

• "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" (May 22): Nine years ago, this would be a no-brainer, but in 2008, the idea of resuscitating a beloved and long-dormant franchise by giving George Lucas control over story and dialogue rightfully has anyone who saw "The Phantom Menace" bracing themselves for another dose of forehead-vein-busting rage. Happily, "Crystal Skull" has the following going for it: Harrison Ford looking pretty great for 65, Steven Spielberg in the director's chair, Shia LaBeouf as Indy's son, Karen Allen back as Marian and the rumors that this fourth film will go all the way back to "Raiders" in tying up plot points and loose ends. Plus, just you try to hear the theme in the trailer and not get a rush. Just you try. -- JV

• "Sex and the City" (May 30: Just when the pain from your Cosmo withdrawal had finally started to fade, Sarah Jessica Parker brings back Carrie Bradshaw and her BFFs for a big-screen romp. Now, before you get those 4-year-old Jimmy Choos out of your closet, take note: This will either be a tantric version of the hit television show that, with the right technique, brings you over an hour of afterglow-producing drama and fashion or it'll be just like your 15-year college reunion, where everyone looks tired and where you suddenly realize that openly talking about your sex life with your friends now seems more icky than edgy.-- LF

• "The Strangers" (May 30): Kristen McKay and James Hoyt (Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman) battle masked strangers in their isolated vacation home. Inspired by true events, and filmed only a few hours away in Florence. -- PM

• "The Dark Knight" (June 6): The release of the sequel to 2005's "Batman Begins," the gritty, blissfully welcomed reboot to the franchise, has been hyped with an intricate and sprawling viral marketing -- and pranking -- campaign across the internet. But the sudden death of Heath Ledger earlier this year trumped all. Ledger is charged with the task of not only trying to climb onto the pedestal with Jack Nicholson's iconic portrayal of the character, but also, sadly, making his mark with what would be one of his last roles. To prepare for the role, Ledger was reportedly given a copy of the comic "The Killing Joke," a perverse and twisted depiction of one of comicdom's most recognizable faces that toys with the notions of sanity, order and chaos. Audiences will surely be watching closely this summer to see just how far inside the Joker's mind Ledger decided to travel.-- TD

• "You Don't Mess With The Zohan" (June 6): The good news: Robert Smigel ("SNL," Conan and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog ) and seemingly can't-miss comedy powerhouse Judd Apatow share screenwriting credits. The bad news: Adam Sandler. Once a reliable source of mostly amusing brain-candy comedies, Sandler hasn't done much in the seriously funny department since 1999's "Big Daddy" (though his dramatic roles have been noteworthy). The plot of "Zohan" involves an Israeli commando who fakes his death in order to become a New York hair stylist. There's a theory that a movie about reading the phone book would probably be hilarious if Apatow were behind it. This film may just put that to the test. -- TD

• "Kung Fu Panda" (June 6): Who could possibly star in a movie about an overweight animal looking to be a martial arts master? Jack Black, of course. In this animated Dreamworks feature, Black provides the voice of a panda out to become the ultimate kung fu master. -- AC

• "The Happening" (June 13):

M. Night Shyamalan's latest supernaturally twisted tale finds him writing, directing and producing, but unlike the 2006 dud "Lady in the Water," there are no narfs, scrunts or tartutics to be found. Instead, the top of the cast looks strong, with Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel taking on some sort of natural crisis that may or may not be threatening all humanity. Like all Shyamalan's movies, not much is out there on what, exactly, will happen in the film. But it's safe to say almost all of the characters will fall somewhere between dour and gloomy in their demeanors and there will be a huge twist at the end that your movie-going buddy will claim he predicted five minutes into the film. -- JF

• "The Incredible Hulk" (June 13): The news that star Ed Norton is refusing press interviews and has completely disowned Marvel's cut of the new "Incredible Hulk" movie is really, really bad and completely unsurprising. This "reboot" scraps the Ang Lee-directed, poorly animated 2003 flick and starts over with Norton as Banner, who's tragically misunderstood because he inadvertently destroys enormous amounts of public property. -- JC

• "Get Smart" (June 20): Are you tired of talented superspies like Jason Bourne and James Bond acting all cool? Steve Carell takes on the title role in the movie version of the 1960s show, which also stars Anne Hathaway as the luxurious (and talented) Agent 99. Alas, the movie presents Smart as an analyst promoted to agent only out of desperation at CONTROL, not the group's top agent who always succeeds despite his bumbling efforts. But hopefully, his shoe will ring. -- JF

• "The Love Guru" (June 20): Things that are allegedly true about Mike Myers' new character-film: it was inspired by the spiritual journey Myers went through after his father died in 1991; Myers knew it was a movie he wanted to make after receiving a letter from George Harrison after the former Beatle passed away and most of it was ad-libbed by Myers to get a more authentic reaction out of the rest of the cast. Depending on your current level of karma (and intelligence), those three facts will either cosmically lead you to theaters or dogmatically keep you away from this film. Maybe its worth the money to see the big-screen responses that a cast including Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake, Ben Kingsley and Jessica Simpson has to Myers in ridiculous facial hair and an even more ridiculous accent. -- JF

• "Wall-E" (June 27): Sure, talk a big game. Tell the crew you're going to the midnight showing of "The Dark Knight." We know you'll be catching a matinee of "Wall-E" with every kid in America. The ninth movie from Pixar, which hasn't turned in a dud yet, "Wall-E" is about a love-struck robot living in 2805. The dialogue consists mostly of beeps and boops, so be prepared to translate for your little ones. -- HHC

• "Hancock" (July 4): In "I Am Legend," Will Smith starred in a movie with a grammatically incorrect title supported by a massive marketing campaign that didn't even tell you what the movie was about, and it made HALF A BILLION DOLLARS worldwide. He hasn't starred in a movie that made less than $130 million for the better half of a decade. We would be stupid to question that kind of influence. You're going to see Smith as a faded superhero in "Hancock." We're going to see "Hancock." There are Sudanese refugees gleefully marching across the desert in tattered "Willennium" T-shirts, counting down the days before they'll see "Hancock." --JC

• "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" (July 11): This looks to be one of the few promising comic book adaptations of the summer. A truce between the human world and the realm of the fantastic is broken, and a bunch of monsters cross over to Earth to wage war against the human race. They're defended by Hellboy, a sarcastic, government-owned creature who fights for good and is supported by a band of fellow freaks. Director Guillermo del Toro, a former makeup artist, is the best in the business at making movie creatures, as evidenced by 2006's "Pan's Labyrinth." The first "Hellboy" movie, also directed by del Toro, was funny, slickly directed and distinctive, and things can only get better.-- JC

• "Mamma Mia!" (July 18): Don't see "Mamma Mia!" if you dislike any of the following: farfetched musicals, ABBA, Meryl Streep, spandex and feathers and, once again, ABBA. "Mamma Mia!" brings the hit play to the big screen, and puts serious star power behind it. Take a chance on this movie and perhaps you'll see Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth become dancing queens. -- HHC

• "The X-Files: I Want To Believe" (July 25): In true "X-Files" fashion, the plot of "I Want to Believe," hasn't leaked yet. I blame the Syndicate. But will the plot really matter? Creator/director Chris Carter has said the story will be a stand-alone thriller, which probably means some clever, gruesome monster and no convoluted nonsense over who's trying to help who take over the Earth. Most importantly, though, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are back on the big screen after a 2002 series finale that left fans unutterably confused, disappointed or both. -- JF

• "Step Brothers" (July 25): Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly and director Adam McKay turn in a comedy about two adults who are forced to live together when their single parents get married. All three were involved in "Anchorman" and "Talladega Nights," so slapstick shouldn't be a problem. -- AC

• "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" (Aug. 1): Warning: There aren't actually mummies in this movie -- well, traditional Egyptian mummies at least. But it is a family film. Instead of Brendan Fraser's semi-bumbling Rick O'Connell character releasing some sort of ancient, world-destroying curse, this time it's his son Alex, played by Luke Ford, who lets a 2,000-year-old Chinese emperor and his terra cotta army out of a curse placed upon them (by the sparkling Michelle Yeoh). Jet Li plays the cranky, cursed emperor bent on world conquest after 20 centuries in suspended animation. Expect plenty of sword fights, crazy monster chases and the occasional pithy one-liner from Fraser. -- JF

• "The Pineapple Express" (Aug. 8): Would you believe Another production from producer/director Judd Apatow? The film, a stoner action-comedy, is about a pothead (Seth Rogen) and his dealer (James Franco), who are forced on the run after accidentally witnessing a drug-related murder. It's a pretty bizarre production directed by David Gordon Green, whose languid, ethereal (almost plotless) films have been mostly art-house fare. The buzz on "Express" is very good. -- JC

• "Tropic Thunder" (Aug. 15): A bunch of actors try to make a Vietnam War movie guerilla-style and find themselves stuck in the middle of an actual war. And it's a comedy! Robert Downey Jr. plays an Australian actor playing a soldier in blackface, and judging by the trailer, he's alarmingly good at it. Coen Brothers brother Ethan Coen helped write the screenplay. Tom Cruise makes a surprise cameo. This is going to be awesome, or really bad. -- JC

• "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" (Aug. 15): "Star Wars" returns to theaters -- in animated form no less -- in a film set between the events of "Episode II" and "Episode III." "Clone Wars" promises to flesh out the series' storyline, introduce new characters and worlds, and continue to lay the groundwork for Anakin Skywalker's fall from grace. No word yet on the whereabouts of Jar Jar Binks, but you can be almost assured that some fanboys will hate this movie, either because they've grown old and bitter and forgot what made them love "Star Wars" in the first place, or because the dialogue will be really, really terrible. -- MB

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