Possible reasons Fidel Castro is stepping down

• He died in 2003.

• Will appear in next season of “Grey’s Anatomy” as the wisened-yet-sexy new attending, Dr. Pecs Vallejo.

• Olive is no longer in fashion. Couldn’t let go.

• Needs to spend time with his real passion: Haiku.

• The Cubs are desperate for arms.

• Felt he was too old to run a country. You know, we’re just saying, John McCain.

• Finally wanted to check out that street they named after him in San Francisco. Wait, it’s full of what?

• Problem with Cuba: near 100 percent literacy rate, not a damn good thing to read.

• “Let me get this straight: I can get unlimited soup AND salad AND breadsticks at the Olive Garden?”

• Wanted to float ashore on yellow raft and see if he could capture nation’s imagination as the newest adorable refugee.

• Starting a new restaurant: The Bay of Pigs in a Blanket.

• Moving to Sun City Hilton Head to “Live On” during his retirement.