You know you like your politics dirty

You have to have thick skin to be a presidential candidate, because the attacks come early and often.

It's understood, of course, that things eventually get ugly during a campaign, no matter how much we pretend we want everything to be nice. We won't admit it, but voters want blood. We want a fight. We're the kids who congregate in the school halls, yelling out verbal encouragement as two classmates slug it out.

But what's odd is the roads the criticisms take. OK, Sen. Barack Obama is inexperienced. Understood. The Obama campaign has to know that will be a weak point. You can't spin experience -- you can try and defuse the criticism, but you can't deny that, yes, he has only been in the Senate for four years.

On the other hand, Sen. John McCain is in the same party as George W. Bush, which, in a lot of voters' eyes, gives him a strike. Also, he's admitted he isn't strong when it comes to the economy. When you point out your own weakness, don't be surprised when your opponent does the same.

But what's odd is when the parties try and spin POSITIVES into NEGATIVES. You can thank Karl Rove for this baffling (both because it is an odd strategy AND because it, unfortunately, works) tactic. He was the master of taking an opponent's greatest strength and making it a weakness. The peak of his powers came in 2004, when he "Swift boated" John Kerry by turning a war hero into a coward and a guy with a questionable military record into the candidate most trusted by veterans. Wait, what?

This is the sort of underhanded tactic that should turn voters against a candidate. Especially if the polls meant anything -- the ones that say what Americans really want is a nice, clean fight, with two politicians who respect each other and hug and like kittens and pray every night. Wrong. We want THEIR candidate to be like that. We want OUR candidate to be the pit bull who eats the kittens.

So, when Obama attracts 200,000 foreigners in Germany, waving American flags, this is a BAD thing. Got it? We don't want a president who is well-liked overseas! That's crazy talk. And all of those college students and minorities and wealthy, college-educated voters he attracts? You have to be suspicious of a "celebrity" that is so popular among such a diverse group of people. Clearly this guy is a loser. No, we need a president who is surly and hard to love and whose message is often hidden because he's criticizing the other guy.

And McCain. Are you kidding? This guy has MONEY. This guy is NOT poor. Clearly we don't want him in the office. First, it's a fact, most previous presidents were homeless. Second, have you hung out with rich people? They have all the answers and have all the power and don't have to worry about things like where their next meal is coming from. No, they can focus on trying to solve bigger problems than, "Should I buy shoes or milk?" This is NOT who we want in the Oval Office. We want a guy in debt. Someone who is broke, preferably.

Obama, wow, with his education. This guy is aloof. This guy is an elitist. Imagine if you spent the first 18 years of your life close to poverty, minus a dad, in public school ... then you get out. Go to TWO COLLEGES (la-DI-DA, Mr. Fancypants). Take a job in the community. (Who does he think he is?) Run for public office. Do we need to go on? He has a wife and two kids; how many of us can afford a wife AND two kids! Clearly this guy is living in an ivory tower.

McCain is old. It's a fact. He is, like, over 60. Which means he's WAY old. Old people can't move as fast as younger people. Now, that's a biological fact. (What if the Russian president challenged him to a 100 meter dash!?) Also, old people have all that experience and wisdom earned with age. Which means they aren't good at video games, and they don't spend a lot of time with their iPods. Do we want a president who is old AND wise AND too busy to fiddle with an MP3 player? Who needs that? We want a president who has to learn on the job.

By the way, it's going to get worse. As November approaches, the campaigns will just turn uglier. Somewhere, Karl Rove is smiling.